i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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