3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
