So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
