i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
