Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
