peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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