Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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