He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
