if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize