stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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