Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Pappa wants mamma naked
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
