I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
