So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
