we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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