lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize