i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
