I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
