My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize