he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
