In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
