Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
