Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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