It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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