speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
