Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
