at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Come share oat with me in your robe
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
