So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
