My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
