I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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