jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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