over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
