He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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