What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
