They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
