I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
