hotel room ftw
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
