Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
