you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
