All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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