well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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