When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
