Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
