i think my mom watched the whole time
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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