I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
