i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
