oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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