Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
and you fell through a lawn chair
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