Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
