Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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