bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
