I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
