just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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