You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ladies don't puke and tell
I said "one day" and that day is not today
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
