ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
