If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize