Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
