bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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