So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
