i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she looked like the before picture.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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