She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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