I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
