I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
