I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
