don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
