Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had to cum in my sink.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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