Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
