Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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