Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
