I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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