Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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