So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
