I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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