Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
