Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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