the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
