i think i have two assholes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pants are for mortals
The Olympian is in my bed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize