did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
