I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize