god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
