I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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