just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
