Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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