Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
