Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
