You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
