I'd wear matching sweaters with you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Panties = found
Randomize
