9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize